Twelfth Night

Executive Director's Notes:

In addition to the notes below, and so you will *NOT* think all

the spelling errors introduced by the printers of the time have

been corrected, here are the first few lines of Hamlet, as they

are presented herein:

Barnardo. Who's there?

Fran. Nay answer me: Stand & vnfold

your selfe

Bar. Long liue the King

* * * * *

As I understand it, the printers often ran out of certain words

or letters they had often packed into a "cliche". . .this is the

original meaning of the term cliche. . .and thus, being unwilling

to unpack the cliches, and thus you will see some substitutions

that look very odd. . .such as the exchanges of u for v, v for u,

above. . .and you may wonder why they did it this way, presuming

Shakespeare did not actually write the play in this manner. . . .

The answer is that they MAY have packed "liue" into a cliche at a

time when they were out of "v"'s. . .possibly having used "vv" in

place of some "w"'s, etc. This was a common practice of the day,

as print was still quite expensive, and they didn't want to spend

more on a wider selection of characters than they had to.

You will find a lot of these kinds of "errors" in this text, as I

have mentioned in other times and places, many "scholars" have an

extreme attachment to these errors, and many have accorded them a

very high place in the "canon" of Shakespeare. My father read an

assortment of these made available to him by Cambridge University

in England for several months in a glass room constructed for the

purpose. To the best of my knowledge he read ALL those available

. . .in great detail. . .and determined from the various changes,

that Shakespeare most likely did not write in nearly as many of a

variety of errors we credit him for, even though he was in/famous

for signing his name with several different spellings.

So, please take this into account when reading the comments below

made by our volunteer who prepared this file: you may see errors

that are "not" errors. . . .

So. . .with this caveat. . .we have NOT changed the canon errors,

here is the Etext of Shakespeare's play.

Michael S. Hart

Executive Director

* * * * *

Scanner's Notes:

What this is and isn't. This was taken from a copy of

Shakespeare's first folio and it is as close as I can come in

ASCII to the printed text.

The elongated S's have been changed to small s's and the

conjoined ae have been changed to ae. I have left the spelling,

punctuation, capitalization as close as possible to the printed

text. I have corrected some spelling mistakes (I have put

together a spelling dictionary devised from the spellings of

the Geneva Bible and Shakespeare's First Folio and have unified

spellings according to this template), typo's and expanded

abbreviations as I have come across them. Everything within

brackets [] is what I have added. So if you don't like that you

can delete everything within the brackets if you want a purer

Shakespeare.

Another thing that you should be aware of is that there are

textual differences between various copies of the first folio. So

there may be differences (other than what I have mentioned above)

between this and other first folio editions. This is due to the

printer's habit of setting the type and running off a number of

copies and then proofing the printed copy and correcting the type

and then continuing the printing run. The proof run wasn't thrown

away but incorporated into the printed copies. This is just the

way it is. The text I have used was a composite of more than 30

different First Folio editions' best pages.

David Reed

=====================================================================

Twelfe Night, Or what you will

Actus Primus, Scaena Prima.

Enter Orsino Duke of Illyria, Curio, and other Lords.

Duke. If Musicke be the food of Loue, play on,

Giue me excesse of it: that surfetting,

The appetite may sicken, and so dye.

That straine agen, it had a dying fall:

O, it came ore my eare, like the sweet sound

That breathes vpon a banke of Violets;

Stealing, and giuing Odour. Enough, no more,

'Tis not so sweet now, as it was before.

O spirit of Loue, how quicke and fresh art thou,

That notwithstanding thy capacitie,

Receiueth as the Sea. Nought enters there,

Of what validity, and pitch so ere,

But falles into abatement, and low price

Euen in a minute; so full of shapes is fancie,

That it alone, is high fantasticall

Cu. Will you go hunt my Lord?

Du. What Curio?

Cu. The Hart

Du. Why so I do, the Noblest that I haue:

O when mine eyes did see Oliuia first,

Me thought she purg'd the ayre of pestilence;

That instant was I turn'd into a Hart,

And my desires like fell and cruell hounds,

Ere since pursue me. How now what newes from her?

Enter Valentine.

Val. So please my Lord, I might not be admitted,

But from her handmaid do returne this answer:

The Element it selfe, till seuen yeares heate,

Shall not behold her face at ample view:

But like a Cloystresse she will vailed walke,

And water once a day her Chamber round

With eye-offending brine: all this to season

A brothers dead loue, which she would keepe fresh

And lasting, in her sad remembrance

Du. O she that hath a heart of that fine frame

To pay this debt of loue but to a brother,

How will she loue, when the rich golden shaft

Hath kill'd the flocke of all affections else

That liue in her. When Liuer, Braine, and Heart,

These soueraigne thrones, are all supply'd and fill'd

Her sweete perfections with one selfe king:

Away before me, to sweet beds of Flowres,

Loue-thoughts lye rich, when canopy'd with bowres.

Exeunt.

Scena Secunda.

Enter Viola, a Captaine, and Saylors.

Vio. What Country (Friends) is this?

Cap. This is Illyria Ladie

Vio. And what should I do in Illyria?

My brother he is in Elizium,

Perchance he is not drown'd: What thinke you saylors?

Cap. It is perchance that you your selfe were saued

Vio. O my poore brother, and so perchance may he be

Cap. True Madam, and to comfort you with chance,

Assure your selfe, after our ship did split,

When you, and those poore number saued with you,

Hung on our driuing boate: I saw your brother

Most prouident in perill, binde himselfe,

(Courage and hope both teaching him the practise)

To a strong Maste, that liu'd vpon the sea:

Where like Orion on the Dolphines backe,

I saw him hold acquaintance with the waues,

So long as I could see

Vio. For saying so, there's Gold:

Mine owne escape vnfoldeth to my hope,

Whereto thy speech serues for authoritie

The like of him. Know'st thou this Countrey?

Cap. I Madam well, for I was bred and borne

Not three houres trauaile from this very place

Vio. Who gouernes heere?

Cap. A noble Duke in nature, as in name

Vio. What is his name?

Cap. Orsino

Vio. Orsino: I haue heard my father name him.

He was a Batchellor then

Cap. And so is now, or was so very late:

For but a month ago I went from hence,

And then 'twas fresh in murmure (as you know

What great ones do, the lesse will prattle of,)

That he did seeke the loue of faire Oliuia

Vio. What's shee?

Cap. A vertuous maid, the daughter of a Count

That dide some tweluemonth since, then leauing her

In the protection of his sonne, her brother,

Who shortly also dide: for whose deere loue

(They say) she hath abiur'd the sight

And company of men

Vio. O that I seru'd that Lady,

And might not be deliuered to the world

Till I had made mine owne occasion mellow

What my estate is

Cap. That were hard to compasse,

Because she will admit no kinde of suite,

No, not the Dukes

Vio. There is a faire behauiour in thee Captaine,

And though that nature, with a beauteous wall

Doth oft close in pollution: yet of thee

I will beleeue thou hast a minde that suites

With this thy faire and outward charracter.

I prethee (and Ile pay thee bounteously)

Conceale me what I am, and be my ayde,

For such disguise as haply shall become

The forme of my intent. Ile serue this Duke,

Thou shalt present me as an Eunuch to him,

It may be worth thy paines: for I can sing,

And speake to him in many sorts of Musicke,

That will allow me very worth his seruice.

What else may hap, to time I will commit,

Onely shape thou thy silence to my wit

Cap. Be you his Eunuch, and your Mute Ile bee,

When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see

Vio. I thanke thee: Lead me on.

Exeunt.

Scaena Tertia.

Enter Sir Toby, and Maria.

Sir To. What a plague meanes my Neece to take the

death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemie to

life

Mar. By my troth sir Toby, you must come in earlyer

a nights: your Cosin, my Lady, takes great exceptions

to your ill houres

To. Why let her except, before excepted

Ma. I, but you must confine your selfe within the

modest limits of order

To. Confine? Ile confine my selfe no finer then I am:

these cloathes are good enough to drinke in, and so bee

these boots too: and they be not, let them hang themselues

in their owne straps

Ma. That quaffing and drinking will vndoe you: I

heard my Lady talke of it yesterday: and of a foolish

knight that you brought in one night here, to be hir woer

To. Who, Sir Andrew Ague-cheeke?

Ma. I he

To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria

Ma. What's that to th' purpose?

To. Why he ha's three thousand ducates a yeare

Ma. I, but hee'l haue but a yeare in all these ducates:

He's a very foole, and a prodigall

To. Fie, that you'l say so: he playes o'th Viol-de-gamboys,

and speaks three or four languages word for word

without booke, & hath all the good gifts of nature

Ma. He hath indeed, almost naturall: for besides that

he's a foole, he's a great quarreller: and but that hee hath

the gift of a Coward, to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling,

'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickely

haue the gift of a graue

Tob. By this hand they are scoundrels and substractors

that say so of him. Who are they?

Ma. They that adde moreour, hee's drunke nightly

in your company

To. With drinking healths to my Neece: Ile drinke

to her as long as there is a passage in my throat, & drinke

in Illyria: he's a Coward and a Coystrill that will not

drinke to my Neece, till his braines turne o'th toe, like a

parish top. What wench? Castiliano vulgo: for here coms

Sir Andrew Agueface.

Enter Sir Andrew.

And. Sir Toby Belch. How now sir Toby Belch?

To. Sweet sir Andrew

And. Blesse you faire Shrew

Mar. And you too sir

Tob. Accost Sir Andrew, accost

And. What's that?

To. My Neeces Chamber-maid

Ma. Good Mistris accost, I desire better acquaintance

Ma. My name is Mary sir

And. Good mistris Mary, accost

To, You mistake knight: Accost, is front her, boord

her, woe her, assayle her

And. By my troth I would not vndertake her in this

company. Is that the meaning of Accost?

Ma. Far you well Gentlemen

To. And thou let part so Sir Andrew, would thou

mightst neuer draw sword agen

And. And you part so mistris, I would I might neuer

draw sword agen: Faire Lady, doe you thinke you haue

fooles in hand?

Ma. Sir, I haue not you by'th hand

An. Marry but you shall haue, and heeres my hand

Ma. Now sir, thought is free: I pray you bring your

hand to'th Buttry barre, and let it drinke

An. Wherefore (sweet-heart?) What's your Metaphor?

Ma. It's dry sir

And. Why I thinke so: I am not such an asse, but I

can keepe my hand dry. But what's your iest?

Ma. A dry iest Sir

And. Are you full of them?

Ma. I Sir, I haue them at my fingers ends: marry now

I let go your hand, I am barren.

Exit Maria

To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of Canarie: when did

I see thee so put downe?

An. Neuer in your life I thinke, vnlesse you see Canarie

put me downe: mee thinkes sometimes I haue no

more wit then a Christian, or an ordinary man ha's: but I

am a great eater of beefe, and I beleeue that does harme

to my wit

To. No question

An. And I thought that, I'de forsweare it. Ile ride

home to morrow sir Toby

To. Pur-quoy my deere knight?

An. What is purquoy? Do, or not do? I would I had

bestowed that time in the tongues, that I haue in fencing

dancing, and beare-bayting: O had I but followed the

Arts

To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of haire

An. Why, would that haue mended my haire?

To. Past question, for thou seest it will not coole my nature

An. But it becoms me wel enough, dost not?

To. Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaffe: & I hope

to see a huswife take thee between her legs, & spin it off

An. Faith Ile home to morrow sir Toby, your niece wil

not be seene, or if she be it's four to one, she'l none of me:

the Count himselfe here hard by, wooes her

To. Shee'l none o'th Count, she'l not match aboue hir

degree, neither in estate, yeares, nor wit: I haue heard her

swear't. Tut there's life in't man

And. Ile stay a moneth longer. I am a fellow o'th

strangest minde i'th world: I delight in Maskes and Reuels

sometimes altogether

To. Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight?

And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoeuer he be, vnder

the degree of my betters, & yet I will not compare with

an old man

To. What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

And. Faith, I can cut a caper

To. And I can cut the Mutton too't

And. And I thinke I haue the backe-tricke, simply as

strong as any man in Illyria

To. Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore haue

these gifts a Curtaine before 'em? Are they like to take

dust, like mistris Mals picture? Why dost thou not goe

to Church in a Galliard, and come home in a Carranto?

My verie walke should be a Iigge: I would not so much

as make water but in a Sinke-a-pace: What dooest thou

meane? Is it a world to hide vertues in? I did thinke by

the excellent constitution of thy legge, it was form'd vnder

the starre of a Galliard

And. I, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a

dam'd colour'd stocke. Shall we sit about some Reuels?

To. What shall we do else: were we not borne vnder

Taurus?

And. Taurus? That sides and heart

To. No sir, it is leggs and thighes: let me see thee caper.

Ha, higher: ha, ha, excellent.

Exeunt.

Scena Quarta.

Enter Valentine, and Viola in mans attire.

Val. If the Duke continue these fauours towards you

Cesario, you are like to be much aduanc'd, he hath known

you but three dayes, and already you are no stranger

Vio. You either feare his humour, or my negligence,

that you call in question the continuance of his loue. Is

he inconstant sir, in his fauours

Val. No beleeue me.

Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants.

Vio. I thanke you: heere comes the Count

Duke. Who saw Cesario hoa?

Vio. On your attendance my Lord heere

Du. Stand you a-while aloofe. Cesario,

Thou knowst no lesse, but all: I haue vnclasp'd

To thee the booke euen of my secret soule.

Therefore good youth, addresse thy gate vnto her,

Be not deni'de accesse, stand at her doores,

And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow

Till thou haue audience

Vio. Sure my Noble Lord,

If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow

As it is spoke, she neuer will admit me

Du. Be clamorous, and leape all ciuill bounds,

Rather then make vnprofited returne,

Vio. Say I do speake with her (my Lord) what then?

Du. O then, vnfold the passion of my loue,

Surprize her with discourse of my deere faith;

It shall become thee well to act my woes:

She will attend it better in thy youth,

Then in a Nuntio's of more graue aspect

Vio. I thinke not so, my Lord

Du. Deere Lad, beleeue it;

For they shall yet belye thy happy yeeres,

That say thou art a man: Dianas lip

Is not more smooth, and rubious: thy small pipe

Is as the maidens organ, shrill, and sound,

And all is semblatiue a womans part.

I know thy constellation is right apt

For this affayre: some foure or fiue attend him,

All if you will: for I my selfe am best

When least in companie: prosper well in this,

And thou shalt liue as freely as thy Lord,

To call his fortunes thine

Vio. Ile do my best

To woe your Lady: yet a barrefull strife,

Who ere I woe, my selfe would be his wife.

Exeunt.

Scena Quinta.

Enter Maria, and Clowne.

Ma. Nay, either tell me where thou hast bin, or I will

not open my lippes so wide as a brissle may enter, in way

of thy excuse: my Lady will hang thee for thy absence

Clo. Let her hang me: hee that is well hang'de in this

world, needs to feare no colours

Ma. Make that good

Clo. He shall see none to feare

Ma. A good lenton answer: I can tell thee where y

saying was borne, of I feare no colours

Clo. Where good mistris Mary?

Ma. In the warrs, & that may you be bolde to say in

your foolerie

Clo. Well, God giue them wisedome that haue it: &

those that are fooles, let them vse their talents

Ma. Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent,

or to be turn'd away: is not that as good as a hanging to

you?

Clo. Many a good hanging, preuents a bad marriage:

and for turning away, let summer beare it out

Ma. You are resolute then?

Clo. Not so neyther, but I am resolu'd on two points

Ma. That if one breake, the other will hold: or if both

breake, your gaskins fall

Clo. Apt in good faith, very apt: well go thy way, if

sir Toby would leaue drinking, thou wert as witty a piece

of Eues flesh, as any in Illyria

Ma. Peace you rogue, no more o'that: here comes my

Lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.

Enter Lady Oliuia, with Maluolio.

Clo. Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling:

those wits that thinke they haue thee, doe very oft proue

fooles: and I that am sure I lacke thee, may passe for a

wise man. For what saies Quinapalus, Better a witty foole,

then a foolish wit. God blesse thee Lady

Ol. Take the foole away

Clo. Do you not heare fellowes, take away the Ladie

Ol. Go too, y'are a dry foole: Ile no more of you: besides

you grow dis-honest

Clo. Two faults Madona, that drinke & good counsell

wil amend: for giue the dry foole drink, then is the foole

not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself, if he mend,

he is no longer dishonest; if hee cannot, let the Botcher

mend him: any thing that's mended, is but patch'd: vertu

that transgresses, is but patcht with sinne, and sin that amends,

is but patcht with vertue. If that this simple

Sillogisme will serue, so: if it will not, what remedy?

As there is no true Cuckold but calamity, so beauties a

flower; The Lady bad take away the foole, therefore I

say againe, take her away

Ol. Sir, I bad them take away you

Clo. Misprision in the highest degree. Lady, Cucullus

non facit monachum: that's as much to say, as I weare not

motley in my braine: good Madona, giue mee leaue to

proue you a foole

Ol. Can you do it?

Clo. Dexteriously, good Madona

Ol. Make your proofe

Clo. I must catechize you for it Madona, Good my

Mouse of vertue answer mee

Ol. Well sir, for want of other idlenesse, Ile bide your

proofe

Clo. Good Madona, why mournst thou?

Ol. Good foole, for my brothers death

Clo. I thinke his soule is in hell, Madona

Ol. I know his soule is in heauen, foole

Clo. The more foole (Madona) to mourne for your

Brothers soule, being in heauen. Take away the Foole,

Gentlemen

Ol. What thinke you of this foole Maluolio, doth he

not mend?

Mal. Yes, and shall do, till the pangs of death shake

him: Infirmity that decaies the wise, doth euer make the

better foole

Clow. God send you sir, a speedie Infirmity, for the

better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that

I am no Fox, but he wil not passe his word for two pence

that you are no Foole

Ol. How say you to that Maluolio?

Mal. I maruell your Ladyship takes delight in such

a barren rascall: I saw him put down the other day, with

an ordinary foole, that has no more braine then a stone.

Looke you now, he's out of his gard already: vnles you

laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gag'd. I protest

I take these Wisemen, that crow so at these set kinde of

fooles, no better then the fooles Zanies

Ol. O you are sicke of selfe-loue Maluolio, and taste

with a distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guiltlesse,

and of free disposition, is to take those things for Bird-bolts,

that you deeme Cannon bullets: There is no slander

in an allow'd foole, though he do nothing but rayle;

nor no rayling, in a knowne discreet man, though hee do

nothing but reproue

Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou

speak'st well of fooles.

Enter Maria.

Mar. Madam, there is at the gate, a young Gentleman,

much desires to speake with you

Ol. From the Count Orsino, is it?

Ma I know not (Madam) 'tis a faire young man, and

well attended

Ol. Who of my people hold him in delay?

Ma. Sir Toby Madam, your kinsman

Ol. Fetch him off I pray you, he speakes nothing but

madman: Fie on him. Go you Maluolio; If it be a suit

from the Count, I am sicke, or not at home. What you

will, to dismisse it.

Exit Maluo.

Now you see sir, how your fooling growes old, & people

dislike it

Clo. Thou hast spoke for vs (Madona) as if thy eldest

sonne should be a foole: whose scull, Ioue cramme with

braines, for heere he comes.

Enter Sir Toby.

One of thy kin has a most weake Pia-mater

Ol. By mine honor halfe drunke. What is he at the

gate Cosin?

To. A Gentleman

Ol. A Gentleman? What Gentleman?

To. 'Tis a Gentleman heere. A plague o'these pickle

herring: How now Sot

Clo. Good Sir Toby

Ol. Cosin, Cosin, how haue you come so earely by

this Lethargie?

To. Letcherie, I defie Letchery: there's one at the

gate

Ol. I marry, what is he?

To. Let him be the diuell and he will, I care not: giue

me faith say I. Well, it's all one.

Exit

Ol. What's a drunken man like, foole?

Clo. Like a drown'd man, a foole, and a madde man:

One draught aboue heate, makes him a foole, the second

maddes him, and a third drownes him

Ol. Go thou and seeke the Crowner, and let him sitte

o'my Coz: for he's in the third degree of drinke: hee's

drown'd: go looke after him

Clo. He is but mad yet Madona, and the foole shall

looke to the madman.

Enter Maluolio.

Mal. Madam, yond young fellow sweares hee will

speake with you. I told him you were sicke, he takes on

him to vnderstand so much, and therefore comes to speak

with you. I told him you were asleepe, he seems to haue

a fore knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to

speake with you. What is to be said to him Ladie, hee's

fortified against any deniall

Ol. Tell him, he shall not speake with me

Mal. Ha's beene told so: and hee sayes hee'l stand at

your doore like a Sheriffes post, and be the supporter to

a bench, but hee'l speake with you

Ol. What kinde o'man is he?

Mal. Why of mankinde

Ol. What manner of man?

Mal. Of verie ill manner: hee'l speake with you, will

you, or no

Ol. Of what personage, and yeeres is he?

Mal. Not yet old enough for a man, nor yong enough

for a boy: as a squash is before tis a pescod, or a Codling

when tis almost an Apple: Tis with him in standing water,

betweene boy and man. He is verie well-fauour'd,

and he speakes verie shrewishly: One would thinke his

mothers milke were scarse out of him

Ol. Let him approach: Call in my Gentlewoman

Mal. Gentlewoman, my Lady calles.

Enter.

Enter Maria.

Ol. Giue me my vaile: come throw it ore my face,

Wee'l once more heare Orsinos Embassie.

Enter Violenta.

Vio. The honorable Ladie of the house, which is she?

Ol. Speake to me, I shall answer for her: your will

Vio. Most radiant, exquisite, and vnmatchable beautie.

I pray you tell me if this bee the Lady of the house,

for I neuer saw her. I would bee loath to cast away my

speech: for besides that it is excellently well pend, I haue

taken great paines to con it. Good Beauties, let mee sustaine

no scorne; I am very comptible, euen to the least

sinister vsage

Ol. Whence came you sir?

Vio. I can say little more then I haue studied, & that

question's out of my part. Good gentle one, giue mee

modest assurance, if you be the Ladie of the house, that | I

may proceede in my speech

Ol. Are you a Comedian?

Vio. No my profound heart: and yet (by the verie

phangs of malice, I sweare) I am not that I play. Are you

the Ladie of the house?

Ol. If I do not vsurpe my selfe, I am

Vio. Most certaine, if you are she, you do vsurp your

selfe: for what is yours to bestowe, is, not yours to reserue.

But this is from my Commission: I will on with

my speech in your praise, and then shew you the heart of

my message

Ol. Come to what is important in't: I forgiue you

the praise

Vio. Alas, I tooke great paines to studie it, and 'tis

Poeticall

Ol. It is the more like to be feigned, I pray you keep

it in. I heard you were sawcy at my gates, & allowd your

approach rather to wonder at you, then to heare you. If

you be not mad, be gone: if you haue reason, be breefe:

'tis not that time of Moone with me, to make one in so

skipping a dialogue

Ma. Will you hoyst sayle sir, here lies your way

Vio. No good swabber, I am to hull here a little longer.

Some mollification for your Giant, sweete Ladie;

tell me your minde, I am a messenger

Ol. Sure you haue some hiddeous matter to deliuer,

when the curtesie of it is so fearefull. Speake your office

Vio. It alone concernes your eare: I bring no ouerture

of warre, no taxation of homage; I hold the Olyffe

in my hand: my words are as full of peace, as matter

Ol. Yet you began rudely. What are you?

What would you?

Vio. The rudenesse that hath appear'd in mee, haue I

learn'd from my entertainment. What I am, and what I

would, are as secret as maiden-head: to your eares, Diuinity;

to any others, prophanation

Ol. Giue vs the place alone,

We will heare this diuinitie. Now sir, what is your text?

Vio. Most sweet Ladie

Ol. A comfortable doctrine, and much may bee saide

of it. Where lies your Text?

Vio. In Orsinoes bosome

Ol. In his bosome? In what chapter of his bosome?

Vio. To answer by the method, in the first of his hart

Ol. O, I haue read it: it is heresie. Haue you no more

to say?

Vio. Good Madam, let me see your face

Ol. Haue you any Commission from your Lord, to

negotiate with my face: you are now out of your Text:

but we will draw the Curtain, and shew you the picture.

Looke you sir, such a one I was this present: Ist not well

done?

Vio. Excellently done, if God did all

Ol. 'Tis in graine sir, 'twill endure winde and weather

Vio. Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white,

Natures owne sweet, and cunning hand laid on:

Lady, you are the cruell'st shee aliue,

If you will leade these graces to the graue,

And leaue the world no copie

Ol. O sir, I will not be so hard-hearted: I will giue

out diuers scedules of my beautie. It shalbe Inuentoried

and euery particle and vtensile labell'd to my will: As,

Item two lippes indifferent redde, Item two grey eyes,

with lids to them: Item, one necke, one chin, & so forth.

Were you sent hither to praise me?

Vio. I see you what you are, you are too proud:

But if you were the diuell, you are faire:

My Lord, and master loues you: O such loue

Could be but recompenc'd, though you were crown'd

The non-pareil of beautie

Ol. How does he loue me?

Vio. With adorations, fertill teares,

With groanes that thunder loue, with sighes of fire

Ol. Your Lord does know my mind, I cannot loue him

Yet I suppose him vertuous, know him noble,

Of great estate, of fresh and stainlesse youth;

In voyces well divulg'd, free, learn'd, and valiant,

And in dimension, and the shape of nature,

A gracious person; But yet I cannot loue him:

He might haue tooke his answer long ago

Vio. If I did loue you in my masters flame,

With such a suffring, such a deadly life:

In your deniall, I would finde no sence,

I would not vnderstand it

Ol. Why, what would you?

Vio. Make me a willow Cabine at your gate,

And call vpon my soule within the house,

Write loyall Cantons of contemned loue,

And sing them lowd euen in the dead of night:

Hallow your name to the reuerberate hilles,

And make the babling Gossip of the aire,

Cry out Oliuia: O you should not rest

Betweene the elements of ayre, and earth,

But you should pittie me

Ol. You might do much:

What is your Parentage?

Vio. Aboue my fortunes, yet my state is well:

I am a Gentleman

Ol. Get you to your Lord:

I cannot loue him: let him send no more,

Vnlesse (perchance) you come to me againe,

To tell me how he takes it: Fare you well:

I thanke you for your paines: spend this for mee

Vio. I am no feede poast, Lady; keepe your purse,

My Master, not my selfe, lackes recompence.

Loue make his heart of flint, that you shal loue,

And let your feruour like my masters be,

Plac'd in contempt: Farwell fayre crueltie.

Exit

Ol. What is your Parentage?

Aboue my fortunes, yet my state is well;

I am a Gentleman. Ile be sworne thou art,

Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbes, actions, and spirit,

Do giue thee fiue-fold blazon: not too fast: soft, soft,

Vnlesse the Master were the man. How now?

Euen so quickly may one catch the plague?

Me thinkes I feele this youths perfections

With an inuisible, and subtle stealth

To creepe in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.

What hoa, Maluolio.

Enter Maluolio.

Mal. Heere Madam, at your seruice

Ol. Run after that same peeuish Messenger

The Countes man: he left this Ring behinde him

Would I, or not: tell him, Ile none of it.

Desire him not to flatter with his Lord,

Nor hold him vp with hopes, I am not for him:

If that the youth will come this way to morrow,

Ile giue him reasons for't: hie thee Maluolio

Mal. Madam, I will.

Enter.

Ol. I do I know not what, and feare to finde

Mine eye too great a flatterer for my minde:

Fate, shew thy force, our selues we do not owe,

What is decreed, must be: and be this so.

Finis, Actus primus.

Actus Secundus, Scaena prima.

Enter Antonio & Sebastian.

Ant. Will you stay no longer: nor will you not that

I go with you

Seb. By your patience, no: my starres shine darkely

ouer me; the malignancie of my fate, might perhaps distemper

yours; therefore I shall craue of you your leaue,

that I may beare my euils alone. It were a bad recompence

for your loue, to lay any of them on you

An. Let me yet know of you, whither you are bound

Seb. No sooth sir: my determinate voyage is meere

extrauagancie. But I perceiue in you so excellent a touch

of modestie, that you will not extort from me, what I am

willing to keepe in: therefore it charges me in manners,

the rather to expresse my selfe: you must know of mee

then Antonio, my name is Sebastian (which I call'd Rodorigo)

my father was that Sebastian of Messaline, whom I

know you haue heard of. He left behinde him, my selfe,

and a sister, both borne in an houre: if the Heauens had

beene pleas'd, would we had so ended. But you sir, alter'd

that, for some houre before you tooke me from the

breach of the sea, was my sister drown'd

Ant. Alas the day

Seb. A Lady sir, though it was said shee much resembled

me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but thogh

I could not with such estimable wonder ouer-farre beleeue

that, yet thus farre I will boldly publish her, shee

bore a minde that enuy could not but call faire: Shee is

drown'd already sir with salt water, though I seeme to

drowne her remembrance againe with more

Ant. Pardon me sir, your bad entertainment

Seb. O good Antonio, forgiue me your trouble

Ant. If you will not murther me for my loue, let mee

be your seruant

Seb. If you will not vndo what you haue done, that is

kill him, whom you haue recouer'd, desire it not. Fare

ye well at once, my bosome is full of kindnesse, and I

am yet so neere the manners of my mother, that vpon the

least occasion more, mine eyes will tell tales of me: I am

bound to the Count Orsino's Court, farewell.

Exit

Ant. The gentlenesse of all the gods go with thee:

I haue many enemies in Orsino's Court,

Else would I very shortly see thee there:

But come what may, I do adore thee so,

That danger shall seeme sport, and I will go.

Enter.

Scaena Secunda.

Enter Viola and Maluolio, at seuerall doores.

Mal. Were not you eu'n now, with the Countesse Oliuia?

Vio. Euen now sir, on a moderate pace, I haue since ariu'd

but hither

Mal. She returnes this Ring to you (sir) you might

haue saued mee my paines, to haue taken it away your

selfe. She adds moreouer, that you should put your Lord

into a desperate assurance, she will none of him. And one

thing more, that you be neuer so hardie to come againe

in his affaires, vnlesse it bee to report your Lords taking

of this: receiue it so

Vio. She tooke the Ring of me, Ile none of it

Mal. Come sir, you peeuishly threw it to her: and

her will is, it should be so return'd: If it bee worth stooping

for, there it lies, in your eye: if not, bee it his that

findes it.

Enter.

Vio. I left no Ring with her: what meanes this Lady?

Fortune forbid my out-side haue not charm'd her:

She made good view of me, indeed so much,

That me thought her eyes had lost her tongue,

For she did speake in starts distractedly.

She loues me sure, the cunning of her passion

Inuites me in this churlish messenger:

None of my Lords Ring? Why he sent her none;

I am the man, if it be so, as tis,

Poore Lady, she were better loue a dreame:

Disguise, I see thou art a wickednesse,

Wherein the pregnant enemie does much.

How easie is it, for the proper false

In womens waxen hearts to set their formes:

Alas, O frailtie is the cause, not wee,

For such as we are made, if such we bee:

How will this fadge? My master loues her deerely,

And I (poore monster) fond asmuch on him:

And she (mistaken) seemes to dote on me:

What will become of this? As I am man,

My state is desperate for my maisters loue:

As I am woman (now alas the day)

What thriftlesse sighes shall poore Oliuia breath?

O time, thou must vntangle this, not I,

It is too hard a knot for me t' vnty.

Scoena Tertia.

Enter Sir Toby, and Sir Andrew.

To. Approach Sir Andrew: not to bee a bedde after

midnight, is to be vp betimes, and Deliculo surgere, thou

know'st

And. Nay by my troth I know not: but I know, to

be vp late, is to be vp late

To. A false conclusion: I hate it as an vnfill'd Canne.

To be vp after midnight, and to go to bed then is early:

so that to go to bed after midnight, is to goe to bed betimes.

Does not our liues consist of the foure Elements?

And. Faith so they say, but I thinke it rather consists

of eating and drinking

To. Th'art a scholler; let vs therefore eate and drinke

Marian I say, a stoope of wine.

Enter Clowne.

And. Heere comes the foole yfaith

Clo. How now my harts: Did you neuer see the Picture

of we three?

To. Welcome asse, now let's haue a catch

And. By my troth the foole has an excellent breast. I

had rather then forty shillings I had such a legge, and so

sweet a breath to sing, as the foole has. Insooth thou wast

in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spok'st of

Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the Equinoctial of

Queubus: 'twas very good yfaith: I sent thee sixe pence

for thy Lemon, hadst it?

Clo. I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Maluolios nose

is no Whip-stocke. My Lady has a white hand, and the

Mermidons are no bottle-ale houses

An. Excellent: Why this is the best fooling, when

all is done. Now a song

To. Come on, there is sixe pence for you. Let's haue

a song

An. There's a testrill of me too: if one knight giue a

Clo. Would you haue a loue-song, or a song of good

life?

To. A loue song, a loue song

An. I, I. I care not for good life

Clowne sings .

O Mistris mine where are you roming?

O stay and heare, your true loues coming,

That can sing both high and low.

Trip no further prettie sweeting.

Iourneys end in louers meeting,

Euery wise mans sonne doth know

An. Excellent good, ifaith

To. Good, good

Clo. What is loue, tis not heereafter,

Present mirth, hath present laughter:

What's to come, is still vnsure.

In delay there lies no plentie,

Then come kisse me sweet and twentie:

Youths a stuffe will not endure

An. A mellifluous voyce, as I am true knight

To. A contagious breath

An. Very sweet, and contagious ifaith

To. To heare by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.

But shall we make the Welkin dance indeed? Shall wee

rowze the night-Owle in a Catch, that will drawe three

soules out of one Weauer? Shall we do that?

And. And you loue me, let's doo't: I am dogge at a

Catch

Clo. Byrlady sir, and some dogs will catch well

An. Most certaine: Let our Catch be, Thou Knaue

Clo. Hold thy peace, thou Knaue knight. I shall be constrain'd

in't, to call thee knaue, Knight

An. 'Tis not the first time I haue constrained one to

call me knaue. Begin foole: it begins, Hold thy peace

Clo. I shall neuer begin if I hold my peace

An. Good ifaith: Come begin.

Catch sung

Enter Maria.

Mar. What a catterwalling doe you keepe heere? If

my Ladie haue not call'd vp her Steward Maluolio, and

bid him turne you out of doores, neuer trust me

To. My Lady's a Catayan, we are politicians, Maluolios

a Peg-a-ramsie, and Three merry men be wee. Am not I

consanguinious? Am I not of her blood: tilly vally. Ladie,

There dwelt a man in Babylon, Lady, Lady

Clo. Beshrew me, the knights in admirable fooling

An. I, he do's well enough if he be dispos'd, and so

do I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it more

naturall

To. O the twelfe day of December

Mar. For the loue o' God peace.

Enter Maluolio.

Mal. My masters are you mad? Or what are you?

Haue you no wit, manners, nor honestie, but to gabble

like Tinkers at this time of night? Do yee make an Alehouse

of my Ladies house, that ye squeak out your Coziers

Catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice?

Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?

To. We did keepe time sir in our Catches. Snecke vp

Mal. Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My Lady

bad me tell you, that though she harbors you as her kinsman,

she's nothing ally'd to your disorders. If you can

separate your selfe and your misdemeanors, you are welcome

to the house: if not, and it would please you to take

leaue of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell

To. Farewell deere heart, since I must needs be gone

Mar. Nay good Sir Toby

Clo. His eyes do shew his dayes are almost done

Mal. Is't euen so?

To. But I will neuer dye

Clo. Sir Toby there you lye

Mal. This is much credit to you

To. Shall I bid him go

Clo. What and if you do?

To. Shall I bid him go, and spare not?

Clo. O no, no, no, no, you dare not

To. Out o' tune sir, ye lye: Art any more then a Steward?

Dost thou thinke because thou art vertuous, there

shall be no more Cakes and Ale?

Clo. Yes by S[aint]. Anne, and Ginger shall bee hotte y'th

mouth too

To. Th'art i'th right. Goe sir, rub your Chaine with

crums. A stope of Wine Maria

Mal. Mistris Mary, if you priz'd my Ladies fauour

at any thing more then contempt, you would not giue

meanes for this vnciuill rule; she shall know of it by this

hand.

Exit

Mar. Go shake your eares

An. 'Twere as good a deede as to drink when a mans

a hungrie, to challenge him the field, and then to breake

promise with him, and make a foole of him

To. Doo't knight, Ile write thee a Challenge: or Ile

deliuer thy indignation to him by word of mouth

Mar. Sweet Sir Toby be patient for to night: Since

the youth of the Counts was to day with my Lady, she is

much out of quiet. For Monsieur Maluolio, let me alone

with him: If I do not gull him into a nayword, and make

him a common recreation, do not thinke I haue witte enough

to lye straight in my bed: I know I can do it

To. Possesse vs, possesse vs, tell vs something of him

Mar. Marrie sir, sometimes he is a kinde of Puritane

An. O, if I thought that, Ide beate him like a dogge

To. What for being a Puritan, thy exquisite reason,

deere knight

An. I haue no exquisite reason for't, but I haue reason

good enough

Mar. The diu'll a Puritane that hee is, or any thing

constantly but a time-pleaser, an affection'd Asse, that

cons State without booke, and vtters it by great swarths.

The best perswaded of himselfe: so cram'd (as he thinkes)

with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith, that all

that looke on him, loue him: and on that vice in him, will

my reuenge finde notable cause to worke

To. What wilt thou do?

Mar. I will drop in his way some obscure Epistles of

loue, wherein by the colour of his beard, the shape of his

legge, the manner of his gate, the expressure of his eye,

forehead, and complection, he shall finde himselfe most

feelingly personated. I can write very like my Ladie

your Neece, on a forgotten matter wee can hardly make

distinction of our hands

To. Excellent, I smell a deuice

An. I hau't in my nose too

To. He shall thinke by the Letters that thou wilt drop

that they come from my Neece, and that shee's in loue

with him

Mar. My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour

An. And your horse now would make him an Asse

Mar. Asse, I doubt not

An. O twill be admirable

Mar. Sport royall I warrant you: I know my Physicke

will worke with him, I will plant you two, and let

the Foole make a third, where he shall finde the Letter:

obserue his construction of it: For this night to bed, and

dreame on the euent: Farewell.

Exit

To. Good night Penthisilea

An. Before me she's a good wench

To. She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores me:

what o'that?

An. I was ador'd once too

To. Let's to bed knight: Thou hadst neede send for

more money

An. If I cannot recouer your Neece, I am a foule way

out

To. Send for money knight, if thou hast her not i'th

end, call me Cut

An. If I do not, neuer trust me, take it how you will

To. Come, come, Ile go burne some Sacke, tis too late

to go to bed now: Come knight, come knight.

Exeunt.

Scena Quarta.

Enter Duke, Viola, Curio, and others

Du. Giue me some Musick; Now good morow frends.

Now good Cesario, but that peece of song,

That old and Anticke song we heard last night;

Me thought it did releeue my passion much,

More then light ayres, and recollected termes

Of these most briske and giddy-paced times.

Come, but one verse

Cur. He is not heere (so please your Lordshippe) that

should sing it?

Du. Who was it?

Cur. Feste the Iester my Lord, a foole that the Ladie

Oliuiaes Father tooke much delight in. He is about the

house

Du. Seeke him out, and play the tune the while.

Musicke playes.

Come hither Boy, if euer thou shalt loue

In the sweet pangs of it, remember me:

For such as I am, all true Louers are,

Vnstaid and skittish in all motions else,

Saue in the constant image of the creature

That is belou'd. How dost thou like this tune?

Vio. It giues a verie eccho to the seate

Where loue is thron'd

Du. Thou dost speake masterly,

My life vpon't, yong though thou art, thine eye

Hath staid vpon some fauour that it loues:

Hath it not boy?

Vio. A little, by your fauour

Du. What kinde of woman ist?

Vio. Of your complection

Du. She is not worth thee then. What yeares ifaith?

Vio. About your yeeres my Lord

Du. Too old by heauen: Let still the woman take

An elder then her selfe, so weares she to him;

So swayes she leuell in her husbands heart:

For boy, howeuer we do praise our selues,

Our fancies are more giddie and vnfirme,

More longing, wauering, sooner lost and worne,

Then womens are

Vio. I thinke it well my Lord

Du. Then let thy Loue be yonger then thy selfe,

Or thy affection cannot hold the bent:

For women are as Roses, whose faire flowre

Being once displaid, doth fall that verie howre

Vio. And so they are: alas, that they are so:

To die, euen when they to perfection grow.

Enter Curio & Clowne.

Du. O fellow come, the song we had last night:

Marke it Cesario, it is old and plaine;

The Spinsters and the Knitters in the Sun,

And the free maides that weaue their thred with bones,

Do vse to chaunt it: it is silly sooth,

And dallies with the innocence of loue,

Like the old age

Clo. Are you ready Sir?

Duke. I prethee sing.

Musicke.

The Song.

Come away, come away death,

And in sad cypresse let me be laide.

Fye away, fie away breath,

I am slaine by a faire cruell maide:

My shrowd of white, stuck all with Ew, O prepare it.

My part of death no one so true did share it.

Not a flower, not a flower sweete

On my blacke coffin, let there be strewne:

Not a friend, not a friend greet

My poore corpes, where my bones shall be throwne:

A thousand thousand sighes to saue, lay me o where

Sad true louer neuer find my graue, to weepe there

Du. There's for thy paines

Clo. No paines sir, I take pleasure in singing sir

Du. Ile pay thy pleasure then

Clo. Truely sir, and pleasure will be paide one time, or

another

Du. Giue me now leaue, to leaue thee

Clo. Now the melancholly God protect thee, and the

Tailor make thy doublet of changeable Taffata, for thy

minde is a very Opall. I would haue men of such constancie

put to Sea, that their businesse might be euery thing,

and their intent euerie where, for that's it, that alwayes

makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.

Exit

Du. Let all the rest giue place: Once more Cesario,

Get thee to yond same soueraigne crueltie:

Tell her my loue, more noble then the world

Prizes not quantitie of dirtie lands,

The parts that fortune hath bestow'd vpon her:

Tell her I hold as giddily as Fortune:

But 'tis that miracle, and Queene of Iems

That nature prankes her in, attracts my soule

Vio. But if she cannot loue you sir

Du. It cannot be so answer'd

Vio. Sooth but you must.

Say that some Lady, as perhappes there is,

Hath for your loue as great a pang of heart

As you haue for Oliuia: you cannot loue her:

You tel her so: Must she not then be answer'd?

Du. There is no womans sides

Can bide the beating of so strong a passion,

As loue doth giue my heart: no womans heart

So bigge, to hold so much, they lacke retention.

Alas, their loue may be call'd appetite,

No motion of the Liuer, but the Pallat,

That suffer surfet, cloyment, and reuolt,

But mine is all as hungry as the Sea,

And can digest as much, make no compare

Betweene that loue a woman can beare me,

And that I owe Oliuia

Vio. I but I know

Du. What dost thou knowe?

Vio. Too well what loue women to men may owe:

In faith they are as true of heart, as we.

My Father had a daughter lou'd a man

As it might be perhaps, were I a woman

I should your Lordship

Du. And what's her history?

Vio. A blanke my Lord: she neuer told her loue,

But let concealment like a worme i'th budde

Feede on her damaske cheeke: she pin'd in thought,

And with a greene and yellow melancholly,

She sate like Patience on a Monument,

Smiling at greefe. Was not this loue indeede?

We men may say more, sweare more, but indeed

Our shewes are more then will: for still we proue

Much in our vowes, but little in our loue

Du. But di'de thy sister of her loue my Boy?

Vio. I am all the daughters of my Fathers house,

And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.

Sir, shall I to this Lady?

Du. I that's the Theame,

To her in haste: giue her this Iewell: say,

My loue can giue no place, bide no denay.

Exeunt.

Scena Quinta.

Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.

To. Come thy wayes Signior Fabian

Fab. Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport,

let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly

To. Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggardly

Rascally sheepe-biter, come by some notable shame?

Fa. I would exult man: you know he brought me out

o' fauour with my Lady, about a Beare-baiting heere

To. To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againe, and

we will foole him blacke and blew, shall we not sir Andrew?

An. And we do not, it is pittie of our liues.

Enter Maria.

To. Heere comes the little villaine: How now my

Mettle of India?

Mar. Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's

comming downe this walke, he has beene yonder i'the

Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe

houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know

this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close

in the name of ieasting, lye thou there: for heere comes

the Trowt, that must be caught with tickling.

Exit

Enter Maluolio.

Mal. 'Tis but Fortune, all is fortune. Maria once

told me she did affect me, and I haue heard her self come

thus neere, that should shee fancie, it should bee one of

my complection. Besides she vses me with a more exalted

respect, then any one else that followes her. What

should I thinke on't?

To. Heere's an ouer-weening rogue

Fa. Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey

Cocke of him, how he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes

And. Slight I could so beate the Rogue

To. Peace I say

Mal. To be Count Maluolio

To. Ah Rogue

An. Pistoll him, pistoll him

To. Peace, peace

Mal. There is example for't: The Lady of the Strachy,

married the yeoman of the wardrobe

An. Fie on him Iezabel

Fa. O peace, now he's deepely in: looke how imagination

blowes him

Mal. Hauing beene three moneths married to her,

sitting in my state

To. O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye

Mal. Calling my Officers about me, in my branch'd

Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day bedde, where I

haue left Oliuia sleeping

To. Fire and Brimstone

Fa. O peace, peace

Mal. And then to haue the humor of state: and after

a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my

place, as I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my

kinsman Toby

To. Boltes and shackles

Fa. Oh peace, peace, peace, now, now

Mal. Seauen of my people with an obedient start,

make out for him: I frowne the while, and perchance

winde vp my watch, or play with my some rich Iewell:

Toby approaches; curtsies there to me

To. Shall this fellow liue?

Fa. Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars,

yet peace

Mal. I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my

familiar smile with an austere regard of controll

To. And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes,

then?

Mal. Saying, Cosine Toby, my Fortunes hauing cast

me on your Neece, giue me this prerogatiue of speech

To. What, what?

Mal. You must amend your drunkennesse

To. Out scab

Fab. Nay patience, or we breake the sinewes of our

plot?

Mal. Besides you waste the treasure of your time,

with a foolish knight

And. That's mee I warrant you

Mal. One sir Andrew

And. I knew 'twas I, for many do call mee foole

Mal. What employment haue we heere?

Fa. Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin

To. Oh peace, and the spirit of humors intimate reading

aloud to him

Mal. By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her

very C's, her V's, and her T's, and thus makes shee her

great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand

An. Her C's, her V's, and her T's: why that?

Mal. To the vnknowne belou'd, this, and my good Wishes:

Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Soft, and the impressure

her Lucrece, with which she vses to seale: tis my

Lady: To whom should this be?

Fab. This winnes him, Liuer and all

Mal. Ioue knowes I loue, but who, Lips do not mooue, no

man must know. No man must know. What followes?

The numbers alter'd: No man must know,

If this should be thee Maluolio?

To. Marrie hang thee brocke

Mal. I may command where I adore, but silence like a Lucresse

knife:

With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth gore, M.O.A.I. doth

sway my life

Fa. A fustian riddle

To. Excellent Wench, say I

Mal. M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first

let me see, let me see, let me see

Fab. What dish a poyson has she drest him?

To. And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?

Mal. I may command, where I adore: Why shee may

command me: I serue her, she is my Ladie. Why this is

euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction

in this, and the end: What should that Alphabeticall position

portend, if I could make that resemble something

in me? Softly, M.O.A.I

To. O I, make vp that, he is now at a cold sent

Fab. Sowter will cry vpon't for all this, though it bee

as ranke as a Fox

Mal. M. Maluolio, M. why that begins my name

Fab. Did not I say he would worke it out, the Curre

is excellent at faults

Mal. M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell

that suffers vnder probation: A. should follow, but O.

does

Fa. And O shall end, I hope

To. I, or Ile cudgell him, and make him cry O

Mal. And then I. comes behind

Fa. I, and you had any eye behinde you, you might

see more detraction at your heeles, then Fortunes before

you

Mal. M,O,A,I. This simulation is not as the former:

and yet to crush this a little, it would bow to mee, for euery

one of these Letters are in my name. Soft, here followes

prose: If this fall into thy hand, reuolue. In my stars

I am aboue thee, but be not affraid of greatnesse: Some

are become great, some atcheeues greatnesse, and some

haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr

hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and to invre

thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble

slough, and appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman,

surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of

state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee

thus aduises thee, that sighes for thee. Remember who

commended thy yellow stockings, and wish'd to see thee

euer crosse garter'd: I say remember, goe too, thou art

made if thou desir'st to be so: If not, let me see thee a steward

still, the fellow of seruants, and not woorthie to

touch Fortunes fingers Farewell, Shee that would alter

seruices with thee, the fortunate vnhappy daylight and

champian discouers not more: This is open, I will bee

proud, I will reade politicke Authours, I will baffle Sir

Toby, I will wash off grosse acquaintance, I will be point

deuise, the very man. I do not now foole my selfe, to let

imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this,

that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow

stockings of late, shee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd,

and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue, &

with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of

her liking. I thanke my starres, I am happy: I will bee

strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and crosse Garter'd,

euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioue, and my

starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst

not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my loue, let

it appeare in thy smiling, thy smiles become thee well. Therefore

in my presence still smile, deero my sweete, I prethee. Ioue

I thanke thee, I will smile, I wil do euery thing that thou

wilt haue me.

Exit

Fab. I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension

of thousands to be paid from the Sophy

To. I could marry this wench for this deuice

An. So could I too

To. And aske no other dowry with her, but such another

iest.

Enter Maria.

An. Nor I neither

Fab. Heere comes my noble gull catcher

To. Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke

An. Or o'mine either?

To. Shall I play my freedome at tray-trip, and becom

thy bondslaue?

An. Ifaith, or I either?

Tob. Why, thou hast put him in such a dreame, that

when the image of it leaues him, he must run mad

Ma. Nay but say true, do's it worke vpon him?

To. Like Aqua vite with a Midwife

Mar. If you will then see the fruites of the sport, mark

his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her

in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhorres, and

crosse garter'd, a fashion shee detests: and hee will smile

vpon her, which will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition,

being addicted to a melancholly, as shee is, that it

cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil

see it follow me

To. To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent diuell

of wit

And. Ile make one too.

Exeunt.

Finis Actus secundus

Actus Tertius, Scaena prima.

Enter Viola and Clowne.

Vio. Saue thee Friend and thy Musick: dost thou liue

by thy Tabor?

Clo. No sir, I liue by the Church

Vio. Art thou a Churchman?

Clo. No such matter sir, I do liue by the Church: For,

I do liue at my house, and my house dooth stand by the

Church

Vio. So thou maist say the Kings lyes by a begger, if a

begger dwell neer him: or the Church stands by thy Tabor,

if thy Tabor stand by the Church

Clo. You haue said sir: To see this age: A sentence is

but a cheu'rill gloue to a good witte, how quickely the

wrong side may be turn'd outward

Vio. Nay that's certaine: they that dally nicely with

words, may quickely make them wanton

Clo. I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir

Vio. Why man?

Clo. Why sir, her names a word, and to dallie with

that word, might make my sister wanton: But indeede,

words are very Rascals, since bonds disgrac'd them

Vio. Thy reason man?

Clo. Troth sir, I can yeeld you none without wordes,

and wordes are growne so false, I am loath to proue reason

with them

Vio. I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for

nothing

Clo. Not so sir, I do care for something: but in my conscience

sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing

sir, I would it would make you inuisible

Vio. Art not thou the Lady Oliuia's foole?

Clo. No indeed sir, the Lady Oliuia has no folly, shee

will keepe no foole sir, till she be married, and fooles are

as like husbands, as Pilchers are to Herrings, the Husbands

the bigger, I am indeede not her foole, but hir corrupter

of words

Vio. I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's

Clo. Foolery sir, does walke about the Orbe like the

Sun, it shines euery where. I would be sorry sir, but the

Foole should be as oft with your Master, as with my Mistris:

I thinke I saw your wisedome there

Vio. Nay, and thou passe vpon me, Ile no more with

thee. Hold there's expences for thee

Clo. Now Ioue in his next commodity of hayre, send

thee a beard

Vio. By my troth Ile tell thee, I am almost sicke for

one, though I would not haue it grow on my chinne. Is

thy Lady within?

Clo Would not a paire of these haue bred sir?

Vio. Yes being kept together, and put to vse

Clo. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sir, to bring

a Cressida to this Troylus

Vio. I vnderstand you sir, tis well begg'd

Clo. The matter I hope is not great sir; begging, but a

begger: Cressida was a begger. My Lady is within sir. I

will conster to them whence you come, who you are, and

what you would are out of my welkin, I might say Element,

but the word is ouer-worne.

Exit

Vio. This fellow is wise enough to play the foole,

And to do that well, craues a kinde of wit:

He must obserue their mood on whom he iests,

The quality of persons, and the time:

And like the Haggard, checke at euery Feather

That comes before his eye. This is a practice,

As full of labour as a Wise-mans Art:

For folly that he wisely shewes, is fit;

But wisemens folly falne, quite taint their wit.

Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.

To. Saue you Gentleman

Vio. And you sir

And. Dieu vou guard Monsieur

Vio. Et vouz ousie vostre seruiture

An. I hope sir, you are, and I am yours

To. Will you incounter the house, my Neece is desirous

you should enter, if your trade be to her

Vio. I am bound to your Neece sir, I meane she is the

list of my voyage

To. Taste your legges sir, put them to motion

Vio. My legges do better vnderstand me sir, then I vnderstand

what you meane by bidding me taste my legs

To. I meane to go sir, to enter

Vio. I will answer you with gate and entrance, but we

are preuented.

Enter Oliuia, and Gentlewoman.

Most excellent accomplish'd Lady, the heauens raine Odours

on you

And. That youth's a rare Courtier, raine odours, wel

Vio. My matter hath no voice Lady, but to your owne

most pregnant and vouchsafed eare

And. Odours, pregnant, and vouchsafed: Ile get 'em

all three already

Ol. Let the Garden doore be shut, and leaue mee to

my hearing. Giue me your hand sir

Vio. My dutie Madam, and most humble seruice

Ol. What is your name?

Vio. Cesario is your seruants name, faire Princesse

Ol. My seruant sir? 'Twas neuer merry world,

Since lowly feigning was call'd complement:

Y'are seruant to the Count Orsino youth

Vio. And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:

Your seruants seruant, is your seruant Madam

Ol. For him, I thinke not on him: for his thoughts,

Would they were blankes, rather then fill'd with me

Vio. Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts

On his behalfe

Ol. O by your leaue I pray you.

I bad you neuer speake againe of him;

But would you vndertake another suite

I had rather heare you, to solicit that,

Then Musicke from the spheares

Vio. Deere Lady

Ol. Giue me leaue, beseech you: I did send,

After the last enchantment you did heare,

A Ring in chace of you. So did I abuse

My selfe, my seruant, and I feare me you:

Vnder your hard construction must I sit,

To force that on you in a shamefull cunning

Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?

Haue you not set mine Honor at the stake,

And baited it with all th' vnmuzled thoughts

That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiuing

Enough is shewne, a Cipresse, not a bosome,

Hides my heart: so let me heare you speake

Vio. I pittie you

Ol. That's a degree to loue

Vio. No not a grize: for tis a vulgar proofe

That verie oft we pitty enemies

Ol. Why then me thinkes 'tis time to smile agen:

O world, how apt the poore are to be proud?

If one should be a prey, how much the better

To fall before the Lion, then the Wolfe?

Clocke strikes.

The clocke vpbraides me with the waste of time:

Be not affraid good youth, I will not haue you,

And yet when wit and youth is come to haruest,

Your wife is like to reape a proper man:

There lies your way, due West

Vio. Then Westward hoe:

Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship:

You'l nothing Madam to my Lord, by me:

Ol. Stay: I prethee tell me what thou thinkst of me?

Vio. That you do thinke you are not what you are

Ol. If I thinke so, I thinke the same of you

Vio. Then thinke you right: I am not what I am

Ol. I would you were, as I would haue you be

Vio. Would it be better Madam, then I am?

I wish it might, for now I am your foole

Ol. O what a deale of scorne, lookes beautifull?

In the contempt and anger of his lip,

A murdrous guilt shewes not it selfe more soone,

Then loue that would seeme hid: Loues night, is noone.

Cesario, by the Roses of the Spring,

By maid-hood, honor, truth, and euery thing,

I loue thee so, that maugre all thy pride,

Nor wit, nor reason, can my passion hide:

Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,

For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause:

But rather reason thus, with reason fetter;

Loue sought, is good: but giuen vnsought, is better

Vio. By innocence I sweare, and by my youth,

I haue one heart, one bosome, and one truth,

And that no woman has, nor neuer none

Shall mistris be of it, saue I alone.

And so adieu good Madam, neuer more,

Will I my Masters teares to you deplore

Ol. Yet come againe: for thou perhaps mayst moue

That heart which now abhorres, to like his loue.

Exeunt.

Scoena Secunda.

Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.

And. No faith, Ile not stay a iot longer:

To. Thy reason deere venom, giue thy reason

Fab. You must needes yeelde your reason, Sir Andrew?

And. Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the

Counts Seruing-man, then euer she bestow'd vpon mee:

I saw't i'th Orchard

To. Did she see the while, old boy, tell me that

And. As plaine as I see you now

Fab. This was a great argument of loue in her toward

you

And. S'light; will you make an Asse o'me

Fab. I will proue it legitimate sir, vpon the Oathes of

iudgement, and reason

To. And they haue beene grand Iurie men, since before

Noah was a Saylor

Fab. Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight,

onely to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour,

to put fire in your Heart, and brimstone in your Liuer:

you should then haue accosted her, and with some excellent

iests, fire-new from the mint, you should haue bangd

the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your

hand, and this was baulkt: the double gilt of this opportunitie

you let time wash off, and you are now sayld into

the North of my Ladies opinion, where you will hang

like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beard, vnlesse you do redeeme

it, by some laudable attempt, either of valour or

policie

And. And't be any way, it must be with Valour, for

policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownist, as a Politician

To. Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of

valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to fight with him

hurt him in eleuen places, my Neece shall take note of it,

and assure thy selfe, there is no loue-Broker in the world,

can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman,

then report of valour

Fab. There is no way but this sir Andrew

An. Will either of you beare me a challenge to him?

To. Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and briefe:

it is no matter how wittie, so it bee eloquent, and full of

inuention: taunt him with the license of Inke: if thou

thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amisse, and as many

Lyes, as will lye in thy sheete of paper, although the

sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in England,

set 'em downe, go about it. Let there bee gaulle enough

in thy inke, though thou write with a Goose-pen,

no matter: about it

And. Where shall I finde you?

To. Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.

Exit Sir Andrew.

Fa. This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby

To. I haue beene deere to him lad, some two thousand

strong, or so

Fa. We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le

not deliuer't

To. Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on

the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes

cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were open'd

and you finde so much blood in his Liuer, as will clog the

foote of a flea, Ile eate the rest of th' anatomy

Fab. And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no

great presage of cruelty.

Enter Maria.

To. Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes

Mar. If you desire the spleene, and will laughe your

selues into stitches, follow me; yond gull Maluolio is turned

Heathen, a verie Renegatho; for there is no christian

that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightly, can euer

beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in

yellow stockings

To. And crosse garter'd?

Mar. Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a

Schoole i'th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murtherer.

He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt,

to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes,

then is in the new Mappe, with the augmentation of the

Indies: you haue not seene such a thing as tis: I can hardly

forbeare hurling things at him, I know my Ladie will

strike him: if shee doe, hee'l smile, and take't for a great

fauour

To. Come bring vs, bring vs where he is.

Exeunt. Omnes.

Scaena Tertia.

Enter Sebastian and Anthonio.

Seb. I would not by my will haue troubled you,

But since you make your pleasure of your paines,

I will no further chide you

Ant. I could not stay behinde you: my desire

(More sharpe then filed steele) did spurre me forth,

And not all loue to see you (though so much

As might haue drawne one to a longer voyage)

But iealousie, what might befall your trauell,

Being skillesse in these parts: which to a stranger,

Vnguided, and vnfriended, often proue

Rough, and vnhospitable. My willing loue,

The rather by these arguments of feare

Set forth in your pursuite

Seb. My kinde Anthonio,

I can no other answer make, but thankes,

And thankes: and euer oft good turnes,

Are shuffel'd off with such vncurrant pay:

But were my worth, as is my conscience firme,

You should finde better dealing: what's to do?

Shall we go see the reliques of this Towne?

Ant. To morrow sir, best first go see your Lodging?

Seb. I am not weary, and 'tis long to night

I pray you let vs satisfie our eyes

With the memorials, and the things of fame

That do renowne this City

Ant. Would youl'd pardon me:

I do not without danger walke these streetes.

Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the Count his gallies,

I did some seruice, of such note indeede,

That were I tane heere, it would scarse be answer'd

Seb. Belike you slew great number of his people

Ant. Th' offence is not of such a bloody nature,

Albeit the quality of the time, and quarrell

Might well haue giuen vs bloody argument:

It might haue since bene answer'd in repaying

What we tooke from them, which for Traffiques sake

Most of our City did. Onely my selfe stood out,

For which if I be lapsed in this place

I shall pay deere

Seb. Do not then walke too open

Ant. It doth not fit me: hold sir, here's my purse,

In the South Suburbes at the Elephant

Is best to lodge: I will bespeake our dyet,

Whiles you beguile the time, and feed your knowledge

With viewing of the Towne, there shall you haue me

Seb. Why I your purse?

Ant. Haply your eye shall light vpon some toy

You haue desire to purchase: and your store

I thinke is not for idle Markets, sir

Seb. Ile be your purse-bearer, and leaue you

For an houre

Ant. To th' Elephant

Seb. I do remember.

Exeunt.

Scoena Quarta.

Enter Oliuia and Maria.

Ol. I haue sent after him, he sayes hee'l come:

How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?

For youth is bought more oft, then begg'd, or borrow'd.

I speake too loud: Where's Maluolio, he is sad, and ciuill,

And suites well for a seruant with my fortunes,

Where is Maluolio?

Mar. He's comming Madame:

But in very strange manner. He is sure possest Madam

Ol. Why what's the matter, does he raue?

Mar. No Madam, he does nothing but smile: your Ladyship

were best to haue some guard about you, if hee

come, for sure the man is tainted in's wits

Ol. Go call him hither.

Enter Maluolio.

I am as madde as hee,

If sad and merry madnesse equall bee.

How now Maluolio?

Mal. Sweet Lady, ho, ho

Ol. Smil'st thou? I sent for thee vpon a sad occasion

Mal. Sad Lady, I could be sad:

This does make some obstruction in the blood:

This crosse-gartering, but what of that?

If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true

Sonnet is: Please one, and please all

Mal. Why how doest thou man?

What is the matter with thee?

Mal. Not blacke in my minde, though yellow in my

legges: It did come to his hands, and Commaunds shall

be executed. I thinke we doe know the sweet Romane

hand

Ol. Wilt thou go to bed Maluolio?

Mal. To bed? I sweet heart, and Ile come to thee

Ol. God comfort thee: Why dost thou smile so, and

kisse thy hand so oft?

Mar. How do you Maluolio?

Maluo. At your request:

Yes Nightingales answere Dawes

Mar. Why appeare you with this ridiculous boldnesse

before my Lady

Mal. Be not afraid of greatnesse: 'twas well writ

Ol. What meanst thou by that Maluolio?

Mal. Some are borne great

Ol. Ha?

Mal. Some atcheeue greatnesse

Ol. What sayst thou?

Mal. And some haue greatnesse thrust vpon them

Ol. Heauen restore thee

Mal. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings

Ol. Thy yellow stockings?

Mal. And wish'd to see thee crosse garter'd

Ol. Crosse garter'd?

Mal. Go too, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so

Ol. Am I made?

Mal. If not, let me see thee a seruant still

Ol. Why this is verie Midsommer madnesse.

Enter Seruant.

Ser. Madame, the young Gentleman of the Count

Orsino's is return'd, I could hardly entreate him backe: he

attends your Ladyships pleasure

Ol. Ile come to him.

Good Maria, let this fellow be look'd too. Where's my

Cosine Toby, let some of my people haue a speciall care

of him, I would not haue him miscarrie for the halfe of

my Dowry.

Exit

Mal. Oh ho, do you come neere me now: no worse

man then sir Toby to looke to me. This concurres directly

with the Letter, she sends him on purpose, that I may

appeare stubborne to him: for she incites me to that in

the Letter. Cast thy humble slough sayes she: be opposite

with a Kinsman, surly with seruants, let thy tongue

langer with arguments of state, put thy selfe into the

tricke of singularity: and consequently setts downe the

manner how: as a sad face, a reuerend carriage, a slow

tongue, in the habite of some Sir of note, and so foorth.

I haue lymde her, but it is Ioues doing, and Ioue make me

thankefull. And when she went away now, let this Fellow

be look'd too: Fellow? not Maluolio, nor after my

degree, but Fellow. Why euery thing adheres togither,

that no dramme of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no

obstacle, no incredulous or vnsafe circumstance: What

can be saide? Nothing that can be, can come betweene

me, and the full prospect of my hopes. Well Ioue, not I,

is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.

To. Which way is hee in the name of sanctity. If all

the diuels of hell be drawne in little, and Legion himselfe

possest him, yet Ile speake to him

Fab. Heere he is, heere he is: how ist with you sir?

How ist with you man?

Mal. Go off, I discard you: let me enioy my priuate:

go off

Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speakes within him;

did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my Lady prayes you to haue

a care of him

Mal. Ah ha, does she so?

To. Go too, go too: peace, peace, wee must deale

gently with him: Let me alone. How do you Maluolio?

How ist with you? What man, defie the diuell: consider,

he's an enemy to mankinde

Mal. Do you know what you say?

Mar. La you, and you speake ill of the diuell, how

he takes it at heart. Pray God he be not bewitch'd

Fab. Carry his water to th' wise woman

Mar. Marry and it shall be done to morrow morning

if I liue. My Lady would not loose him for more then ile

say

Mal. How now mistris?

Mar. Oh Lord

To. Prethee hold thy peace, this is not the way: Doe

you not see you moue him? Let me alone with him

Fa. No way but gentlenesse, gently, gently: the Fiend

is rough, and will not be roughly vs'd

To. Why how now my bawcock? how dost y chuck?

Mal. Sir

To. I biddy, come with me. What man, tis not for

grauity to play at cherrie-pit with sathan Hang him foul

Colliar

Mar. Get him to say his prayers, good sir Toby gette

him to pray

Mal. My prayers Minx

Mar. No I warrant you, he will not heare of godlynesse

Mal. Go hang your selues all: you are ydle shallowe

things, I am not of your element, you shall knowe more

heereafter.

Exit

To. Ist possible?

Fa. If this were plaid vpon a stage now, I could condemne

it as an improbable fiction

To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the

deuice man

Mar. Nay pursue him now, least the deuice take ayre,

and taint

Fa. Why we shall make him mad indeede

Mar. The house will be the quieter

To. Come, wee'l haue him in a darke room & bound.

My Neece is already in the beleefe that he's mad: we may

carry it thus for our pleasure, and his pennance, til our very

pastime tyred out of breath, prompt vs to haue mercy

on him: at which time, we wil bring the deuice to the bar

and crowne thee for a finder of madmen: but see, but see.

Enter Sir Andrew.

Fa. More matter for a May morning

An. Heere's the Challenge, reade it: I warrant there's

vinegar and pepper in't

Fab. Ist so sawcy?

And. I, ist? I warrant him: do but read

To. Giue me.

Youth, whatsoeuer thou art, thou art but a scuruy fellow

Fa. Good, and valiant

To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy minde why I doe call

thee so, for I will shew thee no reason for't

Fa. A good note, that keepes you from the blow of y Law

To. Thou comst to the Lady Oliuia, and in my sight she vses

thee kindly: but thou lyest in thy throat, that is not the matter

I challenge thee for

Fa. Very breefe, and to exceeding good sence-lesse

To. I will way-lay thee going home, where if it be thy chance

to kill me

Fa. Good

To. Thou kilst me like a rogue and a villaine

Fa. Still you keepe o'th windie side of the Law: good

Tob. Fartheewell, and God haue mercie vpon one of our

soules. He may haue mercie vpon mine, but my hope is better,

and so looke to thy selfe. Thy friend as thou vsest him, & thy

sworne enemie, Andrew Ague-cheeke

To. If this Letter moue him not, his legges cannot:

Ile giu't him

Mar. You may haue verie fit occasion for't: he is now

in some commerce with my Ladie, and will by and by

depart

To. Go sir Andrew: scout mee for him at the corner

of the Orchard like a bum-Baylie: so soone as euer thou

seest him, draw, and as thou draw'st, sweare horrible: for

it comes to passe oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering

accent sharpely twang'd off, giues manhoode more

approbation, then euer proofe it selfe would haue earn'd

him. Away

And. Nay let me alone for swearing.

Exit

To. Now will not I deliuer his Letter: for the behauiour

of the yong Gentleman, giues him out to be of good

capacity, and breeding: his employment betweene his

Lord and my Neece, confirmes no lesse. Therefore, this

Letter being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror

in the youth: he will finde it comes from a Clodde-pole.

But sir, I will deliuer his Challenge by word of mouth;

set vpon Ague-cheeke a notable report of valor, and driue

the Gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receiue it)

into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, furie, and

impetuositie. This will so fright them both, that they wil

kill one another by the looke, like Cockatrices.

Enter Oliuia and Viola.

Fab. Heere he comes with your Neece, giue them way

till he take leaue, and presently after him

To. I wil meditate the while vpon some horrid message

for a Challenge

Ol. I haue said too much vnto a hart of stone,

And laid mine honour too vnchary on't:

There's something in me that reproues my fault:

But such a head-strong potent fault it is,

That it but mockes reproofe

Vio. With the same hauiour that your passion beares,

Goes on my Masters greefes

Ol. Heere, weare this Iewell for me, tis my picture:

Refuse it not, it hath no tongue, to vex you:

And I beseech you come againe to morrow.

What shall you aske of me that Ile deny,

That honour (sau'd) may vpon asking giue

Vio. Nothing but this, your true loue for my master

Ol. How with mine honor may I giue him that,

Which I haue giuen to you

Vio. I will acquit you

Ol. Well, come againe to morrow: far-thee-well,

A Fiend like thee might beare my soule to hell.

Enter Toby and Fabian.

To. Gentleman, God saue thee

Vio. And you sir

To. That defence thou hast, betake the too't: of what

nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I knowe not:

but thy intercepter full of despight, bloody as the Hunter,

attends thee at the Orchard end: dismount thy tucke,

be yare in thy preparation, for thy assaylant is quick, skilfull,

and deadly

Vio. You mistake sir I am sure, no man hath any quarrell

to me: my remembrance is very free and cleere from

any image of offence done to any man

To. You'l finde it otherwise I assure you: therefore, if

you hold your life at any price, betake you to your gard:

for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill,

and wrath, can furnish man withall

Vio. I pray you sir what is he?

To. He is knight dubb'd with vnhatch'd Rapier, and

on carpet consideration, but he is a diuell in priuate brall,

soules and bodies hath he diuorc'd three, and his incensement

at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction

can be none, but by pangs of death and sepulcher: Hob,

nob, is his word: giu't or take't

Vio. I will returne againe into the house, and desire

some conduct of the Lady. I am no fighter, I haue heard

of some kinde of men, that put quarrells purposely on others,

to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that

quirke

To. Sir, no: his indignation deriues it selfe out of a very

computent iniurie, therefore get you on, and giue him

his desire. Backe you shall not to the house, vnlesse you

vndertake that with me, which with as much safetie you

might answer him: therefore on, or strippe your sword

starke naked: for meddle you must that's certain, or forsweare

to weare iron about you

Vio. This is as vnciuill as strange. I beseech you doe

me this courteous office, as to know of the Knight what

my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence,

nothing of my purpose

To. I will doe so. Signiour Fabian, stay you by this

Gentleman, till my returne.

Exit Toby.

Vio. Pray you sir, do you know of this matter?

Fab. I know the knight is incenst against you, euen to

a mortall arbitrement, but nothing of the circumstance

more

Vio. I beseech you what manner of man is he?

Fab. Nothing of that wonderfull promise to read him

by his forme, as you are like to finde him in the proofe of

his valour. He is indeede sir, the most skilfull, bloudy, &

fatall opposite that you could possibly haue found in anie

part of Illyria: will you walke towards him, I will make

your peace with him, if I can

Vio. I shall bee much bound to you for't: I am one,

that had rather go with sir Priest, then sir knight: I care

not who knowes so much of my mettle.

Exeunt.

Enter Toby and Andrew.

To. Why man hee s a verie diuell, I haue not seen such

a firago: I had a passe with him, rapier, scabberd, and all:

and he giues me the stucke in with such a mortall motion

that it is ineuitable: and on the answer, he payes you as

surely, as your feete hits the ground they step on. They

say, he has bin Fencer to the Sophy

And. Pox on't, Ile not meddle with him

To. I but he will not now be pacified,

Fabian can scarse hold him yonder

An. Plague on't, and I thought he had beene valiant,

and so cunning in Fence, I'de haue seene him damn'd ere

I'de haue challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slip, and

Ile giue him my horse, gray Capilet

To. Ile make the motion: stand heere, make a good

shew on't, this shall end without the perdition of soules,

marry Ile ride your horse as well as I ride you.

Enter Fabian and Viola.

I haue his horse to take vp the quarrell, I haue perswaded

him the youths a diuell

Fa. He is as horribly conceited of him: and pants, &

lookes pale, as if a Beare were at his heeles

To. There's no remedie sir, he will fight with you for's

oath sake: marrie hee hath better bethought him of his

quarrell, and hee findes that now scarse to bee worth talking

of: therefore draw for the supportance of his vowe,

he protests he will not hurt you

Vio. Pray God defend me: a little thing would make

me tell them how much I lacke of a man

Fab. Giue ground if you see him furious

To. Come sir Andrew, there's no remedie, the Gentleman

will for his honors sake haue one bowt with you:

he cannot by the Duello auoide it: but hee has promised

me, as he is a Gentleman and a Soldiour, he will not hurt

you. Come on, too't

And. Pray God he keepe his oath.

Enter Antonio.

Vio. I do assure you tis against my will

Ant. Put vp your sword: if this yong Gentleman

Haue done offence, I take the fault on me:

If you offend him, I for him defie you

To. You sir? Why, what are you?

Ant. One sir, that for his loue dares yet do more

Then you haue heard him brag to you he will

To. Nay, if you be an vndertaker, I am for you.

Enter Officers.

Fab. O good sir Toby hold: heere come the Officers

To. Ile be with you anon

Vio. Pray sir, put your sword vp if you please

And. Marry will I sir: and for that I promis'd you Ile

be as good as my word. Hee will beare you easily, and

raines well

1.Off. This is the man, do thy Office

2.Off. Anthonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino

An. You do mistake me sir

1.Off. No sir, no iot: I know your fauour well:

Though now you haue no sea-cap on your head:

Take him away, he knowes I know him well

Ant. I must obey. This comes with seeking you:

But there's no remedie, I shall answer it:

What will you do: now my necessitie

Makes me to aske you for my purse. It greeues mee

Much more, for what I cannot do for you,

Then what befals my selfe: you stand amaz'd,

But be of comfort

2.Off. Come sir away

Ant. I must entreat of you some of that money

Vio. What money sir?

For the fayre kindnesse you haue shew'd me heere,

And part being prompted by your present trouble,

Out of my leane and low ability

Ile lend you something: my hauing is not much,

Ile make diuision of my present with you:

Hold, there's halfe my Coffer

Ant. Will you deny me now,

Ist possible that my deserts to you

Can lacke perswasion. Do not tempt my misery,

Least that it make me so vnsound a man

As to vpbraid you with those kindnesses

That I haue done for you

Vio. I know of none,

Nor know I you by voyce, or any feature:

I hate ingratitude more in a man,

Then lying, vainnesse, babling drunkennesse,

Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption

Inhabites our fraile blood

Ant. Oh heauens themselues

2.Off. Come sir, I pray you go

Ant. Let me speake a little. This youth that you see heere,

I snatch'd one halfe out of the iawes of death,

Releeu'd him with such sanctitie of loue;

And to his image, which me thought did promise

Most venerable worth, did I deuotion

1.Off. What's that to vs, the time goes by: Away

Ant. But oh, how vilde an idoll proues this God:

Thou hast Sebastian done good feature, shame.

In Nature, there's no blemish but the minde:

None can be call'd deform'd, but the vnkinde.

Vertue is beauty, but the beauteous euill

Are empty trunkes, ore-flourish'd by the deuill

1.Off. The man growes mad, away with him:

Come, come sir

Ant. Leade me on.

Exit

Vio. Me thinkes his words do from such passion flye

That he beleeues himselfe, so do not I:

Proue true imagination, oh proue true,

That I deere brother, be now tane for you

To. Come hither Knight, come hither Fabian: Weel

whisper ore a couplet or two of most sage sawes

Vio. He nam'd Sebastian: I my brother know

Yet liuing in my glasse: euen such, and so

In fauour was my Brother, and he went

Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,

For him I imitate: Oh if it proue,

Tempests are kinde, and salt waues fresh in loue

To. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward

then a Hare, his dishonesty appeares, in leauing his frend

heere in necessity, and denying him: and for his cowardship

aske Fabian

Fab. A Coward, a most deuout Coward, religious in

it

And. Slid Ile after him againe, and beate him

To. Do, cuffe him soundly, but neuer draw thy sword

And. And I do not

Fab. Come, let's see the euent

To. I dare lay any money, twill be nothing yet.

Exit

Actus Quartus, Scaena prima.

Enter Sebastian and Clowne

Clo. Will you make me beleeue, that I am not sent for

you?

Seb. Go too, go too, thou art a foolish fellow,

Let me be cleere of thee

Clo. Well held out yfaith: No, I do not know you,

nor I am not sent to you by my Lady, to bid you come

speake with her: nor your name is not Master Cesario,

nor this is not my nose neyther: Nothing that is so, is so

Seb. I prethee vent thy folly some-where else, thou

know'st not me

Clo. Vent my folly: He has heard that word of some

great man, and now applyes it to a foole. Vent my folly:

I am affraid this great lubber the World will proue a

Cockney: I prethee now vngird thy strangenes, and tell

me what I shall vent to my Lady? Shall I vent to hir that

thou art comming?

Seb. I prethee foolish greeke depart from me, there's

money for thee, if you tarry longer, I shall giue worse

paiment

Clo. By my troth thou hast an open hand: these Wisemen

that giue fooles money, get themselues a good report,

after foureteene yeares purchase.

Enter Andrew, Toby, and Fabian.

And. Now sir, haue I met you again: ther's for you

Seb. Why there's for thee, and there, and there,

Are all the people mad?

To. Hold sir, or Ile throw your dagger ore the house

Clo. This will I tell my Lady straight, I would not be

in some of your coats for two pence

To. Come on sir, hold

An. Nay let him alone, Ile go another way to worke

with him: Ile haue an action of Battery against him, if

there be any law in Illyria: though I stroke him first, yet

it's no matter for that

Seb. Let go thy hand

To. Come sir, I will not let you go. Come my yong

souldier put vp your yron: you are well flesh'd: Come

on

Seb. I will be free from thee. What wouldst y now?

If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword

To. What, what? Nay then I must haue an Ounce or

two of this malapert blood from you.

Enter Oliuia.

Ol. Hold Toby, on thy life I charge thee hold

To. Madam

Ol. Will it be euer thus? Vngracious wretch,

Fit for the Mountaines, and the barbarous Caues,

Where manners nere were preach'd: out of my sight.

Be not offended, deere Cesario:

Rudesbey be gone. I prethee gentle friend,

Let thy fayre wisedome, not thy passion sway

In this vnciuill, and vniust extent

Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,

And heare thou there how many fruitlesse prankes

This Ruffian hath botch'd vp, that thou thereby

Mayst smile at this: Thou shalt not choose but goe:

Do not denie, beshrew his soule for mee,

He started one poore heart of mine, in thee

Seb. What rellish is in this? How runs the streame?

Or I am mad, or else this is a dreame:

Let fancie still my sense in Lethe steepe,

If it be thus to dreame, still let me sleepe

Ol. Nay come I prethee, would thoud'st be rul'd by me

Seb. Madam, I will

Ol. O say so, and so be.

Exeunt.

Scoena Secunda.

Enter Maria and Clowne.

Mar. Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard,

make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curate, doe it

quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst

Clo. Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe

in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in

in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the

function well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good

Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good houskeeper

goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great

scholler. The Competitors enter.

Enter Toby.

To. Ioue blesse thee M[aster]. Parson

Clo. Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage

that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece

of King Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M[aster]. Parson,

am M[aster]. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?

To. To him sir Topas

Clow. What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison

To. The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.

Maluolio within.

Mal. Who cals there?

Clo. Sir Topas the Curate, who comes to visit Maluolio

the Lunaticke

Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas goe to my

Ladie

Clo. Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this

man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies?

Tob. Well said M[aster]. Parson

Mal. Sir Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good

sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee

heere in hideous darknesse

Clo. Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the

most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones,

that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou

that house is darke?

Mal. As hell sir Topas

Clo. Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as baricadoes,

and the cleere stores toward the South north, are

as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of obstruction?

Mal. I am not mad sir Topas, I say to you this house is

darke

Clo. Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse

but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the

aegyptians in their fogge

Mal. I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh

Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was neuer

man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are,

make the triall of it in any constant question

Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning

Wilde-fowle?

Mal. That the soule of our grandam, might happily

inhabite a bird

Clo. What thinkst thou of his opinion?

Mal. I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue

his opinion

Clo. Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse,

thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow

of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dispossesse

the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well

Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas

Tob. My most exquisite sir Topas

Clo. Nay I am for all waters

Mar. Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd

and gowne, he sees thee not

To. To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word

how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this

knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would

he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece,

that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppeshot.

Come by and by to my Chamber.

Exit

Clo. Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady

does

Mal. Foole

Clo. My Lady is vnkind, perdie

Mal. Foole

Clo. Alas why is she so?

Mal. Foole, I say

Clo. She loues another. Who calles, ha?

Mal. Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at

my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper:

as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to thee

for't

Clo. M[aster]. Maluolio?

Mal. I good Foole

Clo. Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?

Mall. Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie abus'd:

I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art

Clo. But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be

no better in your wits then a foole

Mal. They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in

darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they

can to face me out of my wits

Clo. Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere.

Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: endeauour

thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble

babble

Mal. Sir Topas

Clo. Maintaine no words with him good fellow.

Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Marry

Amen. I will sir, I will

Mal. Foole, foole, foole I say

Clo. Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent

for speaking to you

Mal. Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some

paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in

Illyria

Clo. Well-a-day, that you were sir

Mal. By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, paper,

and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my

Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bearing

of Letter did

Clo. I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not

mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit

Mal. Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true

Clo. Nay, Ile nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains

I will fetch you light, and paper, and inke

Mal. Foole, Ile requite it in the highest degree:

I prethee be gone

Clo. I am gone sir, and anon sir,

Ile be with you againe:

In a trice, like to the old vice,

your neede to sustaine.

Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,

cries ah ha, to the diuell:

Like a mad lad, paire thy nayles dad,

Adieu good man diuell.

Exit

Scaena Tertia.

Enter Sebastian.

This is the ayre, that is the glorious Sunne,

This pearle she gaue me, I do feel't, and see't,

And though tis wonder that enwraps me thus,

Yet 'tis not madnesse. Where's Anthonio then,

I could not finde him at the Elephant,

Yet there he was, and there I found this credite,

That he did range the towne to seeke me out,

His councell now might do me golden seruice,

For though my soule disputes well with my sence,

That this may be some error, but no madnesse,

Yet doth this accident and flood of Fortune,

So farre exceed all instance, all discourse,

That I am readie to distrust mine eyes,

And wrangle with my reason that perswades me

To any other trust, but that I am mad,

Or else the Ladies mad; yet if 'twere so,

She could not sway her house, command her followers,

Take, and giue backe affayres, and their dispatch,

With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing

As I perceiue she do's: there's something in't

That is deceiueable. But heere the Lady comes.

Enter Oliuia, and Priest.

Ol. Blame not this haste of mine: if you meane well

Now go with me, and with this holy man

Into the Chantry by: there before him,

And vnderneath that consecrated roofe,

Plight me the full assurance of your faith,

That my most iealious, and too doubtfull soule

May liue at peace. He shall conceale it,

Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,

What time we will our celebration keepe

According to my birth, what do you say?

Seb. Ile follow this good man, and go with you,

And hauing sworne truth, euer will be true

Ol. Then lead the way good father, & heauens so shine,

That they may fairely note this acte of mine.

Exeunt.

Finis Actus Quartus.

Actus Quintus. Scena Prima.

Enter Clowne and Fabian.

Fab. Now as thou lou'st me, let me see his Letter

Clo. Good M[aster]. Fabian, grant me another request

Fab. Any thing

Clo. Do not desire to see this Letter

Fab. This is to giue a dogge, and in recompence desire

my dogge againe.

Enter Duke, Viola, Curio, and Lords.

Duke. Belong you to the Lady Oliuia, friends?

Clo. I sir, we are some of her trappings

Duke. I know thee well: how doest thou my good

Fellow?

Clo. Truely sir, the better for my foes, and the worse

for my friends

Du. Iust the contrary: the better for thy friends

Clo. No sir, the worse

Du. How can that be?

Clo. Marry sir, they praise me, and make an asse of me,

now my foes tell me plainly, I am an Asse: so that by my

foes sir, I profit in the knowledge of my selfe, and by my

friends I am abused: so that conclusions to be as kisses, if

your foure negatiues make your two affirmatiues, why

then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes

Du. Why this is excellent

Clo. By my troth sir, no: though it please you to be

one of my friends

Du. Thou shalt not be the worse for me, there's gold

Clo. But that it would be double dealing sir, I would

you could make it another

Du. O you giue me ill counsell

Clo. Put your grace in your pocket sir, for this once,

and let your flesh and blood obey it

Du. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double

dealer: there's another

Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play, and the olde

saying is, the third payes for all: the triplex sir, is a good

tripping measure, or the belles of S[aint]. Bennet sir, may put

you in minde, one, two, three

Du. You can foole no more money out of mee at this

throw: if you will let your Lady know I am here to speak

with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my

bounty further

Clo. Marry sir, lullaby to your bountie till I come agen.

I go sir, but I would not haue you to thinke, that

my desire of hauing is the sinne of couetousnesse: but as

you say sir, let your bounty take a nappe, I will awake it

anon.

Exit

Enter Anthonio and Officers.

Vio. Here comes the man sir, that did rescue mee

Du. That face of his I do remember well,

Yet when I saw it last, it was besmear'd

As blacke as Vulcan, in the smoake of warre:

A bawbling Vessell was he Captaine of,

For shallow draught and bulke vnprizable,

With which such scathfull grapple did he make,

With the most noble bottome of our Fleete,

That very enuy, and the tongue of losse

Cride fame and honor on him: What's the matter?

1.Offi. Orsino, this is that Anthonio

That tooke the Phoenix, and her fraught from Candy,

And this is he that did the Tiger boord,

When your yong Nephew Titus lost his legge;

Heere in the streets, desperate of shame and state,

In priuate brabble did we apprehend him

Vio. He did me kindnesse sir, drew on my side,

But in conclusion put strange speech vpon me,

I know not what 'twas, but distraction

Du. Notable Pyrate, thou salt-water Theefe,

What foolish boldnesse brought thee to their mercies,

Whom thou in termes so bloudie, and so deere

Hast made thine enemies?

Ant. Orsino: Noble sir,

Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you giue mee:

Anthonio neuer yet was Theefe, or Pyrate,

Though I confesse, on base and ground enough

Orsino's enemie. A witchcraft drew me hither:

That most ingratefull boy there by your side,

From the rude seas enrag'd and foamy mouth

Did I redeeme: a wracke past hope he was:

His life I gaue him, and did thereto adde

My loue without retention, or restraint,

All his in dedication. For his sake,

Did I expose my selfe (pure for his loue)

Into the danger of this aduerse Towne,

Drew to defend him, when he was beset:

Where being apprehended, his false cunning

(Not meaning to partake with me in danger)

Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,

And grew a twentie yeeres remoued thing

While one would winke: denide me mine owne purse,

Which I had recommended to his vse,

Not halfe an houre before

Vio. How can this be?

Du. When came he to this Towne?

Ant. To day my Lord: and for three months before,

No intrim, not a minutes vacancie,

Both day and night did we keepe companie.

Enter Oliuia and attendants.

Du. Heere comes the Countesse, now heauen walkes

on earth:

But for thee fellow, fellow thy words are madnesse,

Three monthes this youth hath tended vpon mee,

But more of that anon. Take him aside

Ol. What would my Lord, but that he may not haue,

Wherein Oliuia may seeme seruiceable?

Cesario, you do not keepe promise with me

Vio. Madam:

Du. Gracious Oliuia

Ol. What do you say Cesario? Good my Lord

Vio. My Lord would speake, my dutie hushes me

Ol. If it be ought to the old tune my Lord,

It is as fat and fulsome to mine eare

As howling after Musicke

Du. Still so cruell?

Ol. Still so constant Lord

Du. What to peruersenesse? you vnciuill Ladie

To whose ingrate, and vnauspicious Altars

My soule the faithfull'st offrings haue breath'd out

That ere deuotion tender'd. What shall I do?

Ol. Euen what it please my Lord, that shal becom him

Du. Why should I not, (had I the heart to do it)

Like to th' Egyptian theefe, at point of death

Kill what I loue: (a sauage iealousie,

That sometime sauours nobly) but heare me this:

Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,

And that I partly know the instrument

That screwes me from my true place in your fauour:

Liue you the Marble-brested Tirant still.

But this your Minion, whom I know you loue,

And whom, by heauen I sweare, I tender deerely,

Him will I teare out of that cruell eye,

Where he sits crowned in his masters spite.

Come boy with me, my thoughts are ripe in mischiefe:

Ile sacrifice the Lambe that I do loue,

To spight a Rauens heart within a Doue

Vio. And I most iocund, apt, and willinglie,

To do you rest, a thousand deaths would dye

Ol. Where goes Cesario?

Vio. After him I loue,

More then I loue these eyes, more then my life,

More by all mores, then ere I shall loue wife.

If I do feigne, you witnesses aboue

Punish my life, for tainting of my loue

Ol. Aye me detested, how am I beguil'd?

Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

Ol. Hast thou forgot thy selfe? Is it so long?

Call forth the holy Father

Du. Come, away

Ol. Whether my Lord? Cesario, Husband, stay

Du. Husband?

Ol. I Husband. Can he that deny?

Du. Her husband, sirrah?

Vio. No my Lord, not I

Ol. Alas, it is the basenesse of thy feare,

That makes thee strangle thy propriety:

Feare not Cesario, take thy fortunes vp,

Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art

As great as that thou fear'st.

Enter Priest.

O welcome Father:

Father, I charge thee by thy reuerence

Heere to vnfold, though lately we intended

To keepe in darkenesse, what occasion now

Reueales before 'tis ripe: what thou dost know

Hath newly past, betweene this youth, and me

Priest. A Contract of eternall bond of loue,

Confirm'd by mutuall ioynder of your hands,

Attested by the holy close of lippes,

Strengthned by enterchangement of your rings,

And all the Ceremonie of this compact

Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:

Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my graue

I haue trauail'd but two houres

Du. O thou dissembling Cub: what wilt thou be

When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?

Or will not else thy craft so quickely grow,

That thine owne trip shall be thine ouerthrow:

Farewell, and take her, but direct thy feete,

Where thou, and I (henceforth) may neuer meet

Vio. My Lord, I do protest

Ol. O do not sweare,

Hold little faith, though thou hast too much feare.

Enter Sir Andrew.

And. For the loue of God a Surgeon, send one presently

to sir Toby

Ol. What's the matter?

And. H'as broke my head acrosse, and has giuen Sir

Toby a bloody Coxcombe too: for the loue of God your

helpe, I had rather then forty pound I were at home

Ol. Who has done this sir Andrew?

And. The Counts Gentleman, one Cesario: we tooke

him for a Coward, but hee's the verie diuell, incardinate

Du. My Gentleman Cesario?

And. Odd's lifelings heere he is: you broke my head

for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to do't by sir

Toby

Vio. Why do you speake to me, I neuer hurt you:

You drew your sword vpon me without cause,

But I bespake you faire, and hurt you not.

Enter Toby and Clowne.

And. If a bloody coxcombe be a hurt, you haue hurt

me: I thinke you set nothing by a bloody Coxecombe.

Heere comes sir Toby halting, you shall heare more: but if

he had not beene in drinke, hee would haue tickel'd you

other gates then he did

Du. How now Gentleman? how ist with you?

To. That's all one, has hurt me, and there's th' end on't:

Sot, didst see Dicke Surgeon, sot?

Clo. O he's drunke sir Toby an houre agone: his eyes

were set at eight i'th morning

To. Then he's a Rogue, and a passy measures pauyn: I

hate a drunken rogue

Ol. Away with him? Who hath made this hauocke

with them?

And. Ile helpe you sir Toby, because we'll be drest together

To. Will you helpe an Asse-head, and a coxcombe, &

a knaue: a thin fac'd knaue, a gull?

Ol. Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd too.

Enter Sebastian.

Seb. I am sorry Madam I haue hurt your kinsman:

But had it beene the brother of my blood,

I must haue done no lesse with wit and safety.

You throw a strange regard vpon me, and by that

I do perceiue it hath offended you:

Pardon me (sweet one) euen for the vowes

We made each other, but so late ago

Du. One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,

A naturall Perspectiue, that is, and is not

Seb. Anthonio: O my deere Anthonio,

How haue the houres rack'd, and tortur'd me,

Since I haue lost thee?

Ant. Sebastian are you?

Seb. Fear'st thou that Anthonio?

Ant. How haue you made diuision of your selfe,

An apple cleft in two, is not more twin

Then these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

Ol. Most wonderfull

Seb. Do I stand there? I neuer had a brother:

Nor can there be that Deity in my nature

Of heere, and euery where. I had a sister,

Whom the blinde waues and surges haue deuour'd:

Of charity, what kinne are you to me?

What Countreyman? What name? What Parentage?

Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my Father,

Such a Sebastian was my brother too:

So went he suited to his watery tombe:

If spirits can assume both forme and suite,

You come to fright vs

Seb. A spirit I am indeed,

But am in that dimension grossely clad,

Which from the wombe I did participate.

Were you a woman, as the rest goes euen,

I should my teares let fall vpon your cheeke,

And say, thrice welcome drowned Viola

Vio. My father had a moale vpon his brow

Seb. And so had mine

Vio. And dide that day when Viola from her birth

Had numbred thirteene yeares

Seb. O that record is liuely in my soule,

He finished indeed his mortall acte

That day that made my sister thirteene yeares

Vio. If nothing lets to make vs happie both,

But this my masculine vsurp'd attyre:

Do not embrace me, till each circumstance,

Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and iumpe

That I am Viola, which to confirme,

Ile bring you to a Captaine in this Towne,

Where lye my maiden weeds: by whose gentle helpe,

I was preseru'd to serue this Noble Count:

All the occurrence of my fortune since

Hath beene betweene this Lady, and this Lord

Seb. So comes it Lady, you haue beene mistooke:

But Nature to her bias drew in that.

You would haue bin contracted to a Maid,

Nor are you therein (by my life) deceiu'd,

You are betroth'd both to a maid and man

Du. Be not amaz'd, right noble is his blood:

If this be so, as yet the glasse seemes true,

I shall haue share in this most happy wracke,

Boy, thou hast saide to me a thousand times,

Thou neuer should'st loue woman like to me

Vio. And all those sayings, will I ouer sweare,

And all those swearings keepe as true in soule,

As doth that Orbed Continent, the fire,

That seuers day from night

Du. Giue me thy hand,

And let me see thee in thy womans weedes

Vio. The Captaine that did bring me first on shore

Hath my Maides garments: he vpon some Action

Is now in durance, at Maluolio's suite,

a Gentleman, and follower of my Ladies

Ol. He shall inlarge him: fetch Maluolio hither,

And yet alas, now I remember me,

They say poore Gentleman, he's much distract.

Enter Clowne with a Letter, and Fabian.

A most extracting frensie of mine owne

From my remembrance, clearly banisht his.

How does he sirrah?

Cl. Truely Madam, he holds Belzebub at the staues end as

well as a man in his case may do: has heere writ a letter to

you, I should haue giuen't you to day morning. But as a

madmans Epistles are no Gospels, so it skilles not much

when they are deliuer'd

Ol. Open't, and read it

Clo. Looke then to be well edified, when the Foole

deliuers the Madman. By the Lord Madam

Ol. How now, art thou mad?

Clo. No Madam, I do but reade madnesse: and your

Ladyship will haue it as it ought to bee, you must allow

Vox

Ol. Prethee reade i'thy right wits

Clo. So I do Madona: but to reade his right wits, is to

reade thus: therefore, perpend my Princesse, and giue

eare

Ol. Read it you, sirrah

Fab. Reads. By the Lord Madam, you wrong me, and

the world shall know it: Though you haue put mee into

darkenesse, and giuen your drunken Cosine rule ouer me,

yet haue I the benefit of my senses as well as your Ladieship.

I haue your owne letter, that induced mee to the

semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not, but to

do my selfe much right, or you much shame: thinke of

me as you please. I leaue my duty a little vnthought of,

and speake out of my iniury. The madly vs'd Maluolio

Ol. Did he write this?

Clo. I Madame

Du. This sauours not much of distraction

Ol. See him deliuer'd Fabian, bring him hither:

My Lord, so please you, these things further thought on,

To thinke me as well a sister, as a wife,

One day shall crowne th' alliance on't, so please you,

Heere at my house, and at my proper cost

Du. Madam, I am most apt t' embrace your offer:

Your Master quits you: and for your seruice done him,

So much against the mettle of your sex,

So farre beneath your soft and tender breeding,

And since you call'd me Master, for so long:

Heere is my hand, you shall from this time bee

Your Masters Mistris

Ol. A sister, you are she.

Enter Maluolio.

Du. Is this the Madman?

Ol. I my Lord, this same: How now Maluolio?

Mal. Madam, you haue done me wrong,

Notorious wrong

Ol. Haue I Maluolio? No

Mal. Lady you haue, pray you peruse that Letter.

You must not now denie it is your hand,

Write from it if you can, in hand, or phrase,

Or say, tis not your seale, not your inuention:

You can say none of this. Well, grant it then,

And tell me in the modestie of honor,

Why you haue giuen me such cleare lights of fauour,

Bad me come smiling, and crosse-garter'd to you,

To put on yellow stockings, and to frowne

Vpon sir Toby, and the lighter people:

And acting this in an obedient hope,

Why haue you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,

Kept in a darke house, visited by the Priest,

And made the most notorious gecke and gull,

That ere inuention plaid on? Tell me why?

Ol. Alas Maluolio, this is not my writing,

Though I confesse much like the Charracter:

But out of question, tis Marias hand.

And now I do bethinke me, it was shee

First told me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiling,

And in such formes, which heere were presuppos'd

Vpon thee in the Letter: prethee be content,

This practice hath most shrewdly past vpon thee:

But when we know the grounds, and authors of it,

Thou shalt be both the Plaintiffe and the Iudge

Of thine owne cause

Fab. Good Madam heare me speake,

And let no quarrell, nor no braule to come,

Taint the condition of this present houre,

Which I haue wondred at. In hope it shall not,

Most freely I confesse my selfe, and Toby

Set this deuice against Maluolio heere,

Vpon some stubborne and vncourteous parts

We had conceiu'd against him. Maria writ

The Letter, at sir Tobyes great importance,

In recompence whereof, he hath married her:

How with a sportfull malice it was follow'd,

May rather plucke on laughter then reuenge,

If that the iniuries be iustly weigh'd,

That haue on both sides past

Ol. Alas poore Foole, how haue they baffel'd thee?

Clo. Why some are borne great, some atchieue greatnesse,

and some haue greatnesse throwne vpon them. I

was one sir, in this Enterlude, one sir Topas sir, but that's

all one: By the Lord Foole, I am not mad: but do you remember,

Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascall,

and you smile not he's gag'd: and thus the whirlegigge

of time, brings in his reuenges

Mal. Ile be reueng'd on the whole packe of you?

Ol. He hath bene most notoriously abus'd

Du. Pursue him, and entreate him to a peace:

He hath not told vs of the Captaine yet,

When that is knowne, and golden time conuents

A solemne Combination shall be made

Of our deere soules. Meane time sweet sister,

We will not part from hence. Cesario come

(For so you shall be while you are a man:)

But when in other habites you are seene,

Orsino's Mistris, and his fancies Queene.

Exeunt.

Clowne sings .

When that I was and a little tine boy,

with hey, ho, the winde and the raine:

A foolish thing was but a toy,

for the raine it raineth euery day.

But when I came to mans estate,

with hey ho, &c.

Gainst Knaues and Theeues men shut their gate,

for the raine, &c.

But when I came alas to wiue,

with hey ho, &c.

By swaggering could I neuer thriue,

for the raine, &c.

But when I came vnto my beds,

with hey ho, &c.

With tospottes still had drunken heades,

for the raine, &c.

A great while ago the world begon,

hey ho, &c.

But that's all one, our Play is done,

and wee'l striue to please you euery day.

FINIS.